Best Damn Guacamole. Period.


  • 4 ripe avocados
  • 1 roma tomato, chopped
  • 1 whole jalepeno, chopped
  • 1/2 of a red onion, chopped
  • 1/2 of a colored bell pepper (Not required, but damn good)
  • A small handful of chopped cilantro
  • 1 lime, sliced in half
  • Slap Ya Mama seasoning; 'bout half a shot glass or so
  • Cumin; 'bout one pinch of Skoal's worth
  • Macho Mayo: a big ass spoonful of the devine substance
  • Splash of orange juice: 'bout two shot glasses worth


  1. Put all this stuff in a bowl except for the lime. Then squeeze the juice out of the lime.
  2. Mash it all together and make sure it's mixed well. Eat it with your choice of Tortilla Chips. Our favorite is the Tostitos Artisan Roasted Garlic and Black Bean. (We know, it doesn't sound manly, but dude, these are the best tortilla chips on the planet!)


If you don't know how to pick a good avocado, then we wonder what the hell you've been doing all those summer days. OK, here's how. Find ones that give a little when you lightly squeeze them. If they don't give, they're not ripe. If they feel too soft, then you're gonna have crappy guac.